Thursday, October 25, 2012

FAT - Frustration, Anxiety, Tension

So the acronym is actually from a workshop on learning disabilities that I watched in one of my classes a few weeks ago, but it just seemed to fit my state of being right now all too well.  I'm so very frustrated, and blogging is about the only thing I can do about it right now - so plan to 'hear' a lot if you continue reading!

If you know the family situation I've dealt with, you also know how difficult it has been for me to start rebuilding a relationship with my parents.  However, I've been doing it - with the support of an amazing husband by my side and love of a Father in Heaven and Savior to hold me up when Matt isn't quite enough.  On Tuesday of this week my dad was scheduled for a hip replacement of his hip replacement.  He had one several years ago and about 14 months ago something unexplicably started causing him severe pain.  Pain to the point he wasn't able to walk without aide, and eventually wasn't able to walk at all.  This has caused serious strains on my parents for the last year as it was extremely difficult for him to leave the house, and he couldn't be left alone for very long which tied my mom down to the house.  All of that on top of the shear pain he felt on almost a constant basis.

After countless appointments with specialists they could not pin point what was causing the pain so about 2 months ago they decided it would be necessary to go in and remove the initial hip replacement, and do a new replacement.  That was scheduled for this past Tuesday.  The surgery started around 4:30 and what should have been 4 hours, was actually 7 hours, and the replacement wasn't done at all.  When they got in there they found out infection had spread all over his hip, joints, pelvic bone and into his leg.  They spent 7 hours draining infection and removing bone and flesh.  They want to send him home Monday but he cannot put any weight at all on the leg (for obvious reasons) and will be on an IV antibiotic for 6 weeks.  2 weeks after that they will go in an be sure the infection really is gone, and if it is, they can then start rebuilding the pelvic bone and replace the hip.

When my mom was telling me all of this my heart sank.  If you know anything about infection, you know how serious it is and that it could still potentially take his life.  To top it all off my sister Lisa came up to see him (which is great) but because of her crappy attitude (or whatever) I now can't even go up and see him if she's going to be there.  It was so bad my mom went into the bathroom to call me this morning! In her own house!  UGH!  Why her and Keith feel like they are victims in all of this and have a right to be upset with me is beyond my comprehension.  The only people they are victims of are their own crappy self-serving attitudes.

So that's where I'm at today.  Frustration over Keith and Lisa and their holier-than-thou positions that continue to impact me.  Anxiety over the seriousness of the situation medically and the potential outcomes. And tension, good ol' tension - so thick I feel like I am drowning in it and not quite sure how to escape it right now.


  1. You are in my thoughts tonight! Keep your chin up!

  2. I hope that your father is doing better, and that your anxiety has lessened. Love you!