Forgiveness

I am thankful for the gift of forgiveness. I am thankful I have been able to repent of my transgressions and receive forgiveness from my Father in Heaven and those I have offended. However, it appears those who have no weight in the matter have decided I am not worthy of the forgiveness and are using this blog against me. Due to this, I have decided to make the blog private even though it is going against the distinct purpose of this blog. If you would like access to the blog, please send me the e-mail address you use with blogger so I can add you to the list. I will go private by the end of this week, and in the mean time have hidden the other posts. I truly hope that most of you will request an invite and continue to follow the blog!

Thirty

I have officially left my twenties behind and turned 30 yesterday. For such a 'big' birthday, it was pretty low-key. My niece Mackinzee is down from Michigan so I picked her up and we had lunch at Olive Garden and took advantage of Sandusky Cinemark's $4.50 movie deal on Tuesdays and saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days. I know nothing of the series so didn't know what to expect, but it was a good movie. When I got back into town I picked Matt up from work and we had Brian Buffet for dinner and he decided we needed to take care of Mansfield Cinemark's $1 movie deal and we went and saw What to Expect When You're Expecting. It was a really good, hilarious movie! However, I hate that they feel the need to put certain realities of pregnancy (miscarriages namely) in movies that are supposed to be comedies because I cried, (full blown sob) for about 15 minutes of the movie. Jerks. It's been funny. Since we've moved to Ashland and I've met people that I probably won't have a lasting relationship with (students in my classes, professors, and etc) when the question of age has come up I've just said 30 since I was basically there anyhow. Turning 30 wasn't a big deal to me, maybe because my husband will be 37 next week, or because I've had enough life experience that I feel closer to like 60 at this point, or more than likely because it's just another number. However, yesterday, it was kind of a big deal to me. Between lunch and the movie Mackinzee and I had time to kill so she wanted to look at shoes at JcPenny. While my 10 year old niece (who is too tall and looks to old to order off the kids menu anymore) was picky out 6" heels with glitter and sequence, I was looking at the 'sensible' shoes that were in neutral colors and had small heels on them. I sat there thinking in my head "when did I become the old lady". My oldest sister Lisa is 14 years older than me, and I remember as a teenager shoe shopping with her and promising myself that I was never going to turn 'old' that quick. Well here I am. It was only proven again when we walked by dresses and Kinz pointed some out and I told her she would had to sew them together to cover enough skin - then she told me the dress I liked wasn't glamorous enough. Oh boy!

So here I am, 30, and a little freaked out. Freaked out that I just decided to change careers and start school all over. Freaked out that we still haven't been able to have a successful pregnancy and I'm going to 75 when my kids graduate high school. And a little freaked out that I'm already this 'old'. Then reality sinks in and I'm thankful. Thankful that at 30 I have a sure testimony of a Father in Heaven that loves me and a Savior that has suffered all for me. Thankful that I've been sealed to a wonderful man for time and all eternity and that loves and supports me in all things. Thankful that my career change has brought us to a place where I know the Lord wants us and that we absolutely love. Thankful that I'm 3 years cancer free. Thankful that I've learned to forgive so that I can be forgiven. Thankful that each day I can grow closer to my Father in Heaven and His son, Jesus Christ. And thankful to know that if I follow the Gospel, my life will be what God wants it to be, and that will be perfect.

Trials

We had a lesson on adversity in Relief Society given by a sweet sister who I love to be around because I can just feel the warmth of her spirit. Throughout the lesson and all day today I've been able to reflect on the subject, and my testimony continues to grow on how our trials are truly blessings. Not only blessings to ourselves, but to others. I have tried to make a habit of keeping a record of all the blessings that come from my trials, at least the bigger ones. It's amazing to see the way the Lord works in our lives. One of the most amazing things I have seen the Lord do through trials is to teach people how to support and uplift each other. We all have our own trials, and no two people go through the exact same struggle. However, we are given similar experiences to help each other learn and grow from them. Once I had gotten over the grief and pain of the sexual abuse I endured as a child, I learned through the Spirit that one of the reasons I had that trial and experience is to help others cope with similar trials. Since then I can't even count how many sisters, young and old, I've been able to talk to and share my experience with. My testimony has grown exponentially since then, in ways I can't describe. The sister that taught today had shared that her son had taken his own life many years ago. She had mentioned it in Sunday school briefly, but then discussed it more in depth during Relief Society. I know that one reason she had to suffer that trial is so that almost 30 years later she could share the experience in my presence and help me come to terms with emotional struggles I've had since my brother took his life 11-1/2 years ago. It has always seemed taboo to discuss suicide in the Church for one reason or another. It was like a breath of fresh air that she was willing to openly discuss what she went through in a wonderful attitude of reverence that helped me to feel the Spirit of the Lord so strongly. I am eternally grateful for a Heavenly Father who's knowledge of us is perfect. Who's knowledge of circumstances surrounding all of our choices is perfect so that we can be judged perfectly. I am thankful for those that have learned to see the blessings that trials bring and that have taught me to do the same. I truly am thankful for my trials.

Hallelujah

I absolutely love this song, and these three girls gave me goose bumps so I thought I would share it! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!